Memorable Quotes, from Memorable Games.

See also:

Strange Items and Creative uses for pre-existing Items/Powers

"You do the Cleaning, I'll do the justice."

"I don't care if he looks human, I still eat his pants."
The one who must not be named.

"My porn has saved my sexuality."

"He was Cute."

"Hey Wait, You're a lesbian."

"I wasn't at the time."

"You have to be an Elf to get in."

"He has........... Ears."

"You are just jealous that you don't have a girlfriend who can bench press a Buick."

"Well, I can deafen the tree."

"Wanna Drink?"


"Mind if I drink?"

"Knock yourself out."

WHAM! "Nah, that'll take too long. mind if I just drink?"

"Guard! Guard! I'll talk, just GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

Conversation between Sprout, my not too bright halfling Barbarian and a jailed Ogre Shaman

"Do you think we are poking into sensitive areas?"

"You had weapons, we had boobs and between them we had lots of toys."

"Someone save Sally!"

"That's my Father!"

Said during a fight with an illusion

"People, Get your priorities straight, she's the psycho one."
Bree (ooc) talking about her own character.

"Did you miss the part where I am paying you with the continued use of your knees?"
Bree, effectively bargaining

"Carrying around a billy club and a shotgun doesn't exactly scream people person."
Marie, on the subtleties of charisma

"You go first because I don't want to be poked in the ass by that thing."
Gary, refering to a ladder and another characters spikey hairdo.

"Look Ma! I'm Chowder!"
Ken (GM), voicing an NPC baddie that just got heavily machine gunned.

"He needs to get more fiber in his diet."

"More noodles?"

"No, a wicker swingset."

Dave, on the finer points of the oriental diet.

"I ask to see the local potentate."

"They hand you a bottle of Viagra."
Ken (ooc)

Strange characters in a strange land.

"How does summoning work? Can I summon stuff or can I summon things?"
Jared, being incredibly specific.

"He is a 20th level Ranger with a favored enemy against 'Assholes'."
Emerson, on the Main character from the movie 'Brotherhood of the Wolf'.

"They belong to the great wizard, Merle Haggert."
Doug, from out of nowhere.

"I've heard of half-assed gnomes..."
Marie, after the party gnome pockets a delayed blast fireball.

"Bush declined the duel, lost 7 honor and became dishonored."
Jared, Explaining politics in terms of the LO5R CCG.

"Oh no, you are the ring bearer. Get the Fuck away from me!"
Jared's character to another whom had the 'unlucky' Ring of Chameleon power.
(Note: three possesors of that ring have died)

"I'm going to prison wearing a Diaper!"
Matt, on his Monk while the party is incarcerated.

"Summon a Celestial Orca and tell it to bite my hook."
Ken, D&D fishing tip #1?

"We're invisible rats!"
Trish's character

"You are small... (pause) ...Rats... (pause) ...and Invisible."
Doug (GM), clarifying the heck out of the current situation."

"You did your kata all over her ying-yang."
Trish, after witnessing a monk battle

"He is a giant, crazy toolbox, I wouldn't expect him to say anything."
Jared, discussing the fighter who collects useless items.

"They say it even inspired the whole Muhammed thing."

"Whole Muhammed thing? ... Islam?"

Jared, friend to all cultures.

"When he is dead, can I wear him as a robe of usefull items?"
Jared, referring to the fighter that carries too much gear.

"Purple Vorpal Worm Jerky"
Merideth, on another characters assertion that nearly any kill can become trail rations.

"Blood, Death and Not to the face!"
Doug A's mighty war cry.

"You transform and crush the tent behind you."
Doug (GM)

"Wow, my ass is as big as J-Lo's."
Brenda, after polymorphing into a Dragon.

"Someone could summon a celestial Badger so we can kill it, skin it and eat it."

"If you kill a summoned creatue, it dissappears."
Doug (GM)

"Eat it quickly while it is still alive."
Ken (not a druid)

"You find some wolf tracks."
Ken (GM)

"Are any of them carrying shovels?"
Doug A.

"He likes his women like he likes his coffee, non-homocidal."
Marie on another character's dating habits.

"Who wants to go see if they need trouble."
Ken, at the sound of nearby gunfire, compressing two thoughts a somehow being more prophetic.

"We have to save him. We need to save everyone. You can beat him to death with my door, later."
Gary, missed that day in superHERO school where they taught the HEROES how to be HEROic and not evil, time permitting. (By the way, don't ask why he was holding a door.)

"Why have fun when you can outsource the fun of three mexicans for less?"
Jason, proponent of the North American Free Fun Trade Agreement (NAFFTA)

"I'm too beautiful for you to die."
Gary, being less than re-assuring.

"You aren't even good at being a sexual deviant."
Ken, convinced that everyone has a talent

"I'll call you back in six hours once I pass the phone."
Ken, refering to a comments about feeding another character his cell phone that kept ringing.

"Bone Gnawers* can be more dangerous than us Ghets^. The only thing worse is the Children of Gaia~."
Gary, getting confused or being really wussy.

* - Werewolf version of domesticated dogs

^ - Furry, Norse war machines that dislike cowardice and generally believe they are Gods gift to warfare

~ - Werewolf flower children

"Many will try [to kill us], few will succeed."
(I think he meant none, or they get a discount on resurrections)

"You are going with me..... Claw and Claw"
Gary, taking the direct approach

"I can't, I'm union."
Jason, desiring survival.

"That's it! 5 minutes on fire!"
Doug A, commenting on "Witch Hunter Robin" but now is our general cry of punishment for a myriad of offenses.

"If you need cocaine to 'take the edge off', your life is full of pain. I mean, so full of pain that blues musicians burst into flames around you."
Ken, dealing with a fellow character's stress level.

After we've been captured by the super powered leader of the bad guy base that we have sneaking around in, listened to his evil rant and watched him flaunt his evil powers for most of an afternoon.

Gary's character leans over to mine and whispers, "I think they might know that we are here."

And was serious about it.

"What do most Chinese eat? Rice!"
Ken, with the carbohydrate addiction.

"And Noodles."

"Made from Rice!"

"In some areas they eat sorgum."

"Made from Rice!"
Ken (going against the grain)

"It's from and entirely different grain, you dope."

"She's Xena the warrior tart."
Mandi, while painting a female Ral PArtha D&D figure who was inadequately clothed.

"I want her to look like a warrior tart, not a Vegas hooker. There is a subtle difference."
Mandi, after discussing color choices for the figure

"Does Gregor have anymore area effect spells?"
Doug, playing Gregor. (You figure he'd be the best to answer his own question.)

"I didn't eat them. I just crushed their little puppy skulls."

"We are back and look, we brought Knights. Aren't they shiney?"
Mandi (As the PCs talk to the head of Baldur's Gate.)

"She has a furry G-String."
Ken(GM), explaining why the party guesses the buff woman is a barbarian.

"That's not a G-string"
Marie. Ew.

"Are you threatening Me"
The Female General who was part of an 'evil',secret part of the military.

"What do you think?"
Gary's character while pointing a sonic stunner at the General.

Gary rolls dice.

"Are you shooting her?"
Matt (GM)

"No. I'm rolling for Seduction."

"What? You threaten her and now you proposition her?"

Needless to say, we had to shoot and abduct her. I think our group needs a "Dating for Dummies book".

"I'm just trying to ask you for a date."
Gary, in the same game as above quote

"My God, Don't say no or he'll shoot you."
Matt, The GM

"Are there dancing girls? Well, there are about to be."

"Dance for me, Fleshling!"
Jared, playing a psychic alien bug.

"I plan to clear my name by killing everyone who knows me."
Gary, Bad cop.

"Yep, He's the bad guy. He had to be constipated, he's evil."
Marie, umm... yeah.

"I follow him because he's stupid."

"This is as descriptive as I know. I'm a delusional mad scientist, lady."
Doug (GM)

"Give me a moment to unload my gun."
Gary to the group, after his wild west character is propositioned by prostitutes.

"I've gone British again. Oh Damn."
Ken (in a british accent), trying to keep his character's southern accent and failing.

"Hello. I'll be your new large, intimidating black man."
Ken, having his character take over for the other large black man while interrogating.

"... All my friends are dead. Will you be my friend?"
Marie, continuing on the train of thought based on the above character's past.

"This is my Shovel. I bury things with it."
Ken, His undertaker character refering to a wrapped up sword that he had been calling 'his shovel'.

"You haven't asked a question yet!"
Matt (GM), after 5 minutes of what was supposed to be an interogation of a prisoner.

"You haven't seen my people's real power..... Tentacles!"
Dave, playing an alien bug.

"The first age did not fall because of blue monkeys."
Mandi, (Are you so sure????).

"I see, so your mystic chant is AIIIIEEEEEE!!!"
Mandi, on the party mage's retreat while screaming like a little girl.

"It must be an emotional moment because our weapons don't work."
"Squeek. Squeek." Miming that her bow string won't move.
Marie, after trying to shoot the main bad guy while he delivers an evil monologue.

"It's her breasts that are perky, not her."
Mandi, on her character's high charisma and dour personality.

"So, if you had an instant tower filled with pudding (and it shrank), would you get pudding to squirt out."

Dave, mulling the possibilities.

"I have a regular mobile suit. Only the teen-age, androgynous, pretty boys get the cool Gundams."
Brandon, bitter mobile suit pilot.

"He's a story telling Chupacabra. He's a large, intimidating black man. Together, they fight crime."
Kenneth, with the promo spot for the Wild West Werewolf game.

"I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but do you believe in polygamy?"
Jeb, Who believes in sharing and caring, to another character's supposed wife.

"It's okay. He landed on a racoon."
Jeb, being as soothing as possible after another character was knocked airborne.

"So, you gave up you freedom for...."


"No! You can't deep fat fry the midget."
Marie, As super heros and villians fight in a Mall's food court.

"Awww! You can't deep fat fry the midget. You can't smother the (unconscious) bad guy with a pillow."
Mandi, pouting.

"I think it was the 'paint chip' suppliment that made him grow stronger. It's like Wheaties, only crunchier."
Mandi, regarding the easy to fool super villian.

"Maybe my horse ate Jason (the intellectually challenged Sorcerer) and got stupid."
Mandi, on her horse's mental state (Does he pull the short bus?).

"Hulk can dance if Hulk want to. Hulk can leave his friends behind. Because if friends don't dance, HULK SMASH!"
Sung by all after a discussion on Superhero Karaoke.

"You are carrying around a big sword, I have a push-up bra. Same difference."
Mandi, Charisma used as a weapon and apparently a re-occurring theme.

Jumping from the bathroom where he was changing into superhero garb.
"The Eldorado Liberator orders you to..."
Noticing that the bar fight he was going to stop has calmed down without violence
"...to ...to Have a nice day!"
Doug, Bad timming affects even superheros .

"I have befriend animal. The rules say that I can't send them ahead to test for traps or eat them. It doesn't say anything about tying bunnies to my feet with string."
Mandi, about her D&D version of bunny slippers.

"Yeah, I'll give you a plus 1 shield bonus for the dwarf."
Mandi (DM), An interesting Ebberon fight .

"I don't think the pizza trick is going to work. Let's just get to the hideous beatings."
Dave, As the group tries to formulate a plan to sneak into a baddie's house.

"That's what you get for whistling at aliens."

"We have the technology (to heal him), but you can't fix stupid."
Brandon, On an injured character and how he got injured.

"As prized slaves, I assume we get good kitty litter boxes." -Mandi (in D&D, and not playing a felinoid race)
"You get the ones with the litter that you scratch and it makes perfume." -Ken (GM)
"Sounds ike you have been sniffing it a bit too much." -Marie (to Mandi over the first comment)
"I am made of the perfume crystals, that's why I'm sparkly." -Mandi (Playing a Prismatic Half Dragon)
"What is your special powers? If you get wet, do you clump?" -Marie

"Wait! You have wings and a Burka?"
Marie, on the Half-Dragon's attempt to be inconspicuous.

"One was black, one was white and one was slightly more aerodynamic than a rock."
Marie, on the difference between the Flying Nun's Whipple and a Burka. Just don't ask.

"No plot ever survives contact with the players."
Dave, consoling the GM on the strange plan the rest of the players came up with.
Mandi, in a French Canadian accent based on our plan involving Evil French Canadians.

"And you thought 'Flamingo' was stupid."
Mandi, Mocking our NPC boss as our supers work up a plan.

"Bjorn, the angry pevert."
Mandi, on the party's dwarf.
"I'm not Angry!"
Dave, playing said Dwarf, who's apparently 'Bjorn to be Wild'.

"What is the magic book that I have called?"
Mandi, who trots the fine line between superhero and villian .
"It's called the Mandi-nomicron."
Dave (GM), who really should know better.

"We detcted a transdimensional transportation in this area."
Dave (Gm) playing the scary looking aliens.
"This is the suburbs, we aren't zoned for that."
Mandi, Superhero and neighborhood watch.

"I'm wound up and the coffee table is giving us lip."
Mandi, who's usually 'wound up'.

"No sane person would would cook a baby in a pot. They'd use a cauldron."
Mandi, not said in a game....

"May the force be with you because I will not."
Ride operator for the Star Tours ride, right before he closed the door.

"People from Tampa are called Tampons."
Mandi, being incredibly tired.

"I give him a look like he's not much of a man."
Mandi, trying to start a fight in a supervillian auction.
"He's not much of anything."
Marie (GM), because the super villian being taunted was a brain in a jar.

"You say 'Whore' so negatively."
Michael, On his plans for the evening.

"I can fight crime and download porn at the same time."
Dave, techonsavy super hero.

"Candy. Net. Chickens. I'm set."
Megan, preparing to adventure.

"There was a crash downstairs and even though you are here, I'm pretty sure that you are involved."
Ken, talking to the mischievous PC.

"I pout... in a gothic way."

During the rescue of a PC from some evil CIA agents in the middle of a Starbucks.
"Wait! My coffee!"
Joy, the one being rescued.

An 8 foot, bi-pedal lizard crashes through the door on a hoverbike, flys past a garison of friendly troops and crashes into a rack of communication gear.
"Communications secure, Sir!"

"I want something that won't cause much damage."
Liz, The well armed vampire.
"You have a rocket launcher in your car!"
Michael, calling out Liz's less than subtle nature.

"Fine. We will find you a survival knife and some women's underwear."
Ken, male hitman talking to the male PC with a female spirit stuck in his head.
"What.. Can you find those at the same place? ... Oh wait. Walmart."
Michael, Possessed secret government agent and secret shopper?

"Well, since he'll probably wake up shiv-ed anyway, I'll just finish him off."
Michael, tossing an unconscious guy out of the back of a bar.

"You find a group of 10 survivors hold up in a bank."
Dave (GM), explaining the scene after the zombie holocaust .
"Does anyone have a hairbrush?"
Meagan, exhasperated.

"I'm only 5'8"? Whaa? When did that happen?"
Meagan, reading her character's description.

"I'm going to Hell....On Pluto!"
Meagan, It's not even a planet anymore..

"Did you check him for a longspear?"
Marie, After Meagan's character fully checked the nearly naked male prisoner.
"No. He did have a long sword, though."
Meagan, failing her innuendo check..Wink..Wink.. Nod.. Nod...

"Now she's going to shove a piece of coal so far up your stocking."
Ken, in a christmas themed super hero game.

"I'm at - 3 dice for being untrained."
Michael, deadpan, when his WoD character's date turns 'hot'.

"I will mourn my friend's death, even though we really didn't get along at all."
Meagan, After a PC died.
"He didn't respect your chicken."
Mandi, about dead PC.

"Hah..I'm hot even when I'm dead."
Meagan. Ego was not the character's 'Dump Stat'.

"I'm channeling my God... The God of ominous music."
Michael, playing the cleric, making ominous music as the GM describes the scene.

"I can spin. I can spin up the mountain."
Meagan, refering to her metro-sexual superhero's powers.
"Is that a euphemism for something?"-Mandi
"I wish I could come up with a witty comeback."-Meagan, red faced.

"Everybody wants to be the fur trapper. You have to share. I'm willing to let Meagan be the French speaking Dominatrix."
Mandi, Refering to an old disguise .
"Bon jour."
Meagan, having no clue what we are talking about.

"...And Steve loses an argument with furniture."

"It was there and you had tape. It wouldn't have been any different."
Mandi. I don't remember what sparked this quote, but no good could have come from it.

"You see an erotic fountian." Mandi (GM)
"Hey boss, come take a look at this. I don't think this position is possible."
Dave, THe baby dragon to the socially deprived Half-elf.
"Like he'd know."
Meagan. Ouch.

"I pout... in Infernal."
Meagan, using those language ranks to the maximum.

"You are a great fighter, but don't ever point that thing at me again."
Bill. This quote might sound mundane, except the thing being referenced is a puking PC character.

"I'm sorry. I don't usually pay attention to the warmth of my various body parts."

"These ARE useful for somethings." Adjusts Breasts.
Cody, playing a shapechanger

"It's a military base. We can go to the PX, steal their beer and then burn it down."
Mandi. At which the entire group stares at her.
"What? It's an evil military base. We'd be saving people."
Mandi, The superhero...?

"Can I have the unobtanium longspear of protection from bad touch?"
Mandi, shopping for magic items to fend off unwanted advances.
"All my touches are GOOD touches."
Meagan, playing the hormonal teenaged boy.

"Your foot is very close to my No No place."

"Flame on! Flame on and on and on."
Mandi. Talking about the powers of a Metrosexual Superhero.

"I think I know the guy in the green fez."
Marie, while waiting in line for Dragon-Con tickets.

"That's what Dragon-Con is all about." -Menachem.
"What? Picking up 50 year old men?" -Meagan,

"Filet Min-ion."
Unknown, but said during a battle with random minions.

"Sweetness and light. Zorch!"
Unknown (Probably Mandi), with the sweet superhero.

"I give 'Wrath' a hug."
Mandi, her nice superhero interacting with the Angsty NPC.
"I do too. I 'assist other'."
Meagan. Good thing she didn't 'take twenty'.

"I can't be perky and caffeinated. I'm Russian."
Meagan, Talking about characters for a new game.

"Maybe we can get a trained monkey with the 'Ballista' profeciency."
Mandi, working on a plan.

"Maybe we should respect his 'Guy time'."
Mandi, about the male NPC they had offended.
"In a sound proof room." -Marie
"That kind of goes hand in hand." -Mandi

"I open the door." -Doug
"Save versus Death" -GM
"I close the door." -Doug

"We can stop to get something to eat... like in the Mournlands." - Ken
"There aren't McDonalds, especially in the Mournlands." -Dave
"The McMournlands?" -Ken

Later, after discussing the possibilities
"The Lord of Blades and Ronald McDonald had a love child." - Mandi
Discussions ensue

Group discusses other ways of using potions. including a potion 'Epi-pen'
"You are in combat , then ... Pfft!... Cure critical right in the butt cheek."
Mandi, Not the groups EMT.

"How often does a man get to re-animate a titanic crustacean?"

"What is this Spell?" -Joy
"Which spell?" -Jared
"Cure Moderate Woman?" -Joy
Guess who wrote the character sheet and if they have messy handwriting.

"Nature makes a poor Assasin."

"I'm dressed for clubbing."
Bree, fashion maven

"What? Baby seals?"

"[...The TV camera] has a card that says 'PRESS'."
Ken (GM)

"Okay, I push."
Marie (smartass)

"There is no 'sex' in 'teamwork'."

"but there is 'meat'."

"You are sleeping on the couch, and we don't have a couch."
[long pause]
"You are sleeping on someone elses couch."

"Why does the only conflict in my game involve bathing the Ork."
Ken (beleagered GM)

"Das Squid, Vhere are You!!!!"
Jared (said in bad german accent while a tentacle wraps around him.)

"Do you have the 'Porn Producer' skill?"
Ken (GM)

Oh, that's my new one. Can I do it as a 'computer' specialization?"

"(sigh) Sure."
Ken (GM)

"Uncle Fin says all girls like girls, they just don't know it yet."
Ken (GM) on the infamous One-armed Uncle Finn

"How silly of us. We are worried about severed heads when you can't get into college."

"So now you are worried about the severed heads, but only because you wanted to 'DO' him."

"Remember the Maine, Ya'll"
Dave's character's ineffective ralling cry

"No, Use small words. Don't!"


Bree tries to explain simple concepts to Gary.

"Does anyone here Meditate"
Generic mystical character

"No, but I get a pretty good buzz on after a few cases of beer."
Dave on the finer points of Eastern Mysticism

"I grab something Blunt"

"Like my head."

"Blunt and Usefull."

"It's a Hong Kong action movie game, Everyone knows handcuff manuvers."

"Plus, We are sluts."

"Plus, I was trained by Nuns."

Mike and Bree about their Feng Shui characters

"Everyone was young and stupid once, you are still there"

"I'm not old."

Dave summing Gary's character and Gary proving the point.

"Does she look like anything I've ever read about?"

"Dude, she's a girl."

Dave helps Jared examine those most rare and mysterious of creatures.

"This is 'Dragon removes stuck jar lid'."
Dave's martial artist snapping a baddies neck.

"He Doesn't have to be pretty, Charisma is force of personality"
Ken (GM)

"Well, why does he have to force it on us?"

The finer points of dealing with a high Charisma character.

"What Girl's am I bedding?"
Jen, having problems with English, talking about rooming assignments

"She was probably controlling him. And, when her power died, he ... Wait, What's my intelligence?
Matt, having his Half-ork explain the situation to another character.

"It's going to be like an instant fortress thing, only not really lighter or smaller."
Ken, on his character carrying parts of a castle.

"If you are marrying someone with multiple personality disorder, do you need to be a mormon?"

"No, because you are never married to more than one of them at a time."

"Wha.. Mormons?"

Imagine the gaming incident that sparked this debate.

"Ms. Piggy is here"
Matt, with his were-boar half-orc.

"No Shit. It's like prison Ms. Piggy, but Yeah."

"You've got a strap on and you are sticking your immovable rod in someone elses pants?"
Ken, on another character's strange use of magical items.

"See, ya'll is chaotic stupid, I'm Lawfull screwed."
Jared, enforcing character alignment.

"Japanese wrestlers are totally Mexican, except that they are Japanese."
Jared, multi-cultural paragon.

"Is 'Baylor Reaming' an element?"
Matt, while searching for the five elements needed to seal a squad of angry Baylors. We got bored trying to figure out how to trap them and just attacked.

"Doesn't the Nancy boy die first."

"You know.. We can only hope."

On the group's less than manly Paladin of Torm.

"Never use the term 'blowback'."

"That sounds like you are getting a discount from a hooker, don't it."

"Save a Lung for Lythander!"
Doug's preist of Lythander helping a wounded party member.

"Does the Tentacle need help?"
Doug, after being insulted by a character who was currently being attacked by a Kraken's tentacle.

"I'm a second level Preist, I couldn't cure hiccups."
Doug, on his character's value to the party.

"Are we going to keep Jason conscious this time?"

"No" ~CRACK~
Dave, keeping party unity.

"Are you eating some strange fish again?"
(mimes pufferfish inflating in mouth)

Marie, making fun of another characters intelligence level.

"She bought tents. If we don't camp now, she'll kill us."
Matt, after another character went through hell to get the group supplies.

"We are not as long lived as your race."
Merideth, talking to aliens

"You don't have sex."
Matt, to another character in a different conversation.

"We sensed this."
Doug, GM, as the Aliens

"Which Part?"

Two conversations crossing in the night

"This dress makes me feel funny."
Gary, repressed male sorcerer and fashion victim. (In his defense, the dress was magical)

"I've lived in the desert. The only thing there are camels. Those are the only two humps I've seen."
Tom, sexually frustrated nomad

"I make it look like his eye hasn't been eaten."
Mandi, The frugal gourmet and Corax

"Embrace who you truely are."
Jared (Zen master)

"He did, that's how he ended up in the cultist's bathroom."
Mandi (Pragmatist)

"I'm Cute."
Gary, Ghet of Fenris

"In a big steroid using, Nazi, kind of way."
Mandi (smartass)

"If we get in trouble, you'll run."
Gary, challenging cowardice

"No, I fly."
Mandi, embracing her Were-Raven's frail nature.

"We can get some idiot to strap explosives on, knock on the door and say Hi."

"Oh no, not me."
Tom, apparently not going to be tricked 'this time'.

"He likes his liquor like he likes his women.... Strong and nasty."
Dave, PDA with PGA.

"I like my coffee like I like my women...Suicidal."
Gary, once again not thinking things through before he talks.

"How firey is the wall of flames?"
(I'm guessing the answer is 'Very')

"Grapefruits are like rabid wolverines, except round and yellow."
(umm.. But, that would make the X-men guy alot less intimidating and he'd squirt alot more)

"He is Captain Alzheimers"
Mandi, on a certain character's memory problems.

"That's Cool-heimers."
Gary, who's character has more ego than education.

Starwars Droid that we found tells his long, sob story...

"...and my master died. I am now in need of a new master."

"You can be my master!"
Jason, being too helpful.

"Are they authorized to use leathal force?"

"The giant mecha does not look like it has a squeaky hammer."

"Why do you insist on this mindless violence when I can pick the information out of their mind like you would pick fruit from a tree."
Dave, playing the 8 foot tall, psionic bug.

"Are you gay?"
Gary, playing a human not dealing well with culture shock

Later, in the same game.

"This is Sol system, welcome to Earth."

"Actually, I am looking at Uranus."

And suddenly, you have to wonder...

"There are a hundred foot soldiers heading this way."
Ken (GM)

"They are HUGE!"

"My spell is 'BONK'!"
Doug, while mimicing his cleric smashing something with his mace.

"Do you know how to use a Plasma Blaster?"
Ken, Soldier

"No. I'm a civilian."
Doug A., Civilian

"What? They don't teach civilians how to use squad automatic Plasma weapons? What is humanity comming to?"
Ken, Marine.. in ... Space...

"You are the NRA."

"You set yourself on fire when we gave you the torch of justice."
Ken, on why another superhero character didn't deserve to be leader.

"My lightsaber works. I'll cut you into bits."
Gary, Jedi with aggression issues.

"I'm already in bits."
Matt, playing a robot who had been blown up and now was just a head.

"Mandi, do you still have your high Charisma?"
Gary, meta-gaming.

"No. I left it in my other dress."
Mandi, rolling her eyes.

"We are coated in a hard candy shell. Gregor melts in a dragon's mouth, not in his hand."
Doug W., on his Clerics new magical armor.

"Dive down the worm's mullet .... Um, gullet."
Ken, apparently playing Redneck D&D.

"I'm on Fire... And I'm burning... And I'm unhappy."
Dave, (said in a whiney voice) talking like the poor baddie burning in his fightercraft.

"Help me. I seem to be on fire."
Ken, (said in a calm, somewhat smarmy voice) a somewhat pathetic distraction involving setting himself on fire but immune to it. (failing an INT check, the guards fell for it)

"I stopped the thugs."
Ken, His character covered from head to to with blood that wasn't his.

"What did you use to stop them? A Cotton Gin?"

"Make her breathe again"
Mandi, talking about a drowned girl and proving she should have had some medical skill.

"What's her name?"
Mandi, refering to a girl another character was supposed to marry.

Doug W.

After some more discussion about the character's impending marriage.

"You don't have to set her on fire! You could just say 'No!'"
Doug W.

"I'm going to put the holy symbol in the palm of my hand."

"It's like a joy buzzer against evil."

"We will repair your damaged mobile suits for you as a gesture of peace."
NPC commander of the ORB battleship "Abraham Lincoln" to the captured enemy pilots.

"Well, once you repair my Mobile suit, the "John Wilks Booth", I'll be on my way."
Matt, trustworthy enemy pilot?

"They have feminine dishes like cucumber sandwiches and more masculine dishes..."
Mandi (GM), about the food at the swanky party.

"Like cucumber sandwiches...COVERED WITH SLABS OF BACON!!"
Kenneth, Gourmet.

"It's not a crime to be bitter."
An NPC, refering to the angsty PC.

"It's an art form."
Mandi, refering to said character.

"The others are of no use to us, we alone must save the world."
Ken (and others), a repeated line in one game where one character would explain something and promptly be ignored.

"Maybe we could find a speaking possum who could tell us."
Mandi, in a bad French accent, after the talking squirrel was being obscure.

"He's bitter ... like almonds."

"Honey... I'm trying to be intimidating."
Jared, in a whiny voice, as his girlfriend thought he was cute trying to run Lord Soth in Ravenloft.

"Eat Sparkles, Fucker!"
Mandi, from her superheroine who has a cutesy "Sailor Moon" motiff and is bitter about it.

"I use 'Spirit of the Fray' so I can submissively wet first."
Mandi, commenting on the not so brave Ghet of Fenris werewolf.

"Is Baron Von 'my pants are too tight' still talking?"
Dave, while being berated at a royal ball.

"Fuck you and the invisible jet you rode in on."
Mandi, superbitter superhero confronting an older superhero.

"No Hablo Ingles."
"Your evil incantations have no effect on me."
Doug, interrogating the cleaning guy instead of the Alchemist.

"It's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within."
Gary, refering to a found magic item, then only latter realizing the inuendo.

"There is no Proc to Ologist."
Mandi (DM), after the baby dragon litterally rips the commoner a new one.

"You have just guaranteed that I will spray in your spices."
Dave, as his talking cat argues with the Halfling cook.

"How does this thingie work?"
Mandi, As her character points to male character's midsection. Actually talking about his hidden armored suit controller.

"Why does the road to justice always have the shoulder closed due to construction."
Ken, as the road construction super hero.

"Can we set the raven on vibrate?"
Marie, about the magical message delivering figurine.

"Dude, he wasn't even a mall cop."
Mandi, after baddie gloats about killing a shopkeeper.

"What is all of this?" - NPC, horrified at her disguise
"Furs." - Ken
"I thought we were going to Key West?" - NPC
"That's why our plan is clever, EH." - Mandi

As our Superheros plans to infiltrate super villians as a group of Evil French Canadian Separatists, in south Florida.

"They are well paid. They have to be to dress like that."
Dave, talking about the super villian's minions, the 'Salad Troopers'.

"You don't have a proficiency in Dessert Cart."
Dave (GM), during our furious battle in the Italian restaurant.
"Maybe he's a diabetic."
Mandi, sweet like anti-freeze.

"This is a particularily bad time for an intergalactic invasion."
Dave (Gm), The well known superhero 'mentoring' our group.
"Because there is ever a really good time."
Mandi, who has a point.

Ken, reminding Mandi of her female dwarf's personality in a one shot D&D game.
"I can't do that. Can I be the angry, Lesbian Dwarf?"
Mandi, I think she forgot 'genocidal, pyromaniacal and butch'.

"Good thing I didn't put these in the dryer."
Ken, on finding the magic demon summoning tuning fork (Cough: Plot Device!) had magically appeared in his character's pocket.
"Actually, that might be funny. Ting! Ting! 'Ah, you've summoned me and ooph! Thump! Thump! Thump!. He'd be real pissed of when he got out."
Ken, voicing the demon who would be summoned inside a running dryer.
"Yeah but he'd have to stop hurling first."
"Plus, he'd be a lot less intimidating with frizzed hair."
"And all covered with lint."

"I'm not dancing nekkid for any of you people."
Megan, brandishing a dagger threateningly.

"Why did you advance?"
Dave, at the mage after the pair are discovered while sneaking up on some Minotaurs.
"It's not her fault. She doesn't know how incompetent you are."

"Woo! I can shoplift on another plane of existence."
Mandi, Playing the juvenile delinquent.

"A guy in full riot armor gets out (of the car)."
Wayne (GM), explaining what the PC (a normal teenage girl) sees when meeting the group.
"Try to act Non-chalant."
Kevin, from across the gaming store.

"Are they doing the lesbian thing again, because that's not cute."

"It was pre-emptive self defense."
Mandi, after blasting the tied up villian.

"Who is Trent Resnor?"
Dave (GM), voicing a person from alternate dimension Earth.
"Poor, benighted heathens."
Mandi, the Punk/Goth super heroine.

"I can pray for my Silence spells."
Dave, Priest.
"We all pray for your silence."
Mandi, insisting this is her nice character.

"Now, calm down and breathe... Wait. that's Lemaze."
Mandi, attempting first aid with no skill.

"You have a dream that you are having tea with a geisha that has a face like a fox."
Wayne (GM), explaining to a PC who was possessed by a Kitsune that was driving him insane.
"I fucking hate tea."
Michael, short drive.

"Snakes on another plane!"
Dave, during a discussion of the parrallel planes around Forgotten Realms.

"She's a girl. I figure she knows how to manuver around a steering column."
Wayne (GM), on whether the female cop could climb into the driver seat.

"I'm going to work on my trap making. I'll probably get bored on the trip. It'll take like 5 minutes."
Meagan, Talking about working on her character on a family trip.

"Ohhhh! Song of Freedom. What's that?"
Doug, looking through his bard spells.
"Swing Low... Sweet Chariot..."
Marie, Singing.

"When all the pretend people come home, all of their pretend stuff will be pretend broken."
Meagan, As the characters break stuff while stuck in a Computer Virtual Reality game.

"But, there is nothing wrong with me."
Doug, Warforged, refering to the plan to talk to an NPC while being repaired.
Ken, miming pulling a bit off the warforged.
Doug, pathetically.

"It could be Osama Bin Laden behind that mask handing me a McAnthrax burger."
Mandi, on the creepy "Burger King". Not said during a game.

"I like her, but then I was raised by pirates.."
Meagan, Arrrr!

"I keep forgeting who are my childhood friends and who are stupid."
Gary. He apparently grew up in Lake Wobigon where "all the childeren are above average."

"We treat it like a bad dog."
Bill, On an evil Obsidian dagger that was drinking the blood of the archeologist.
"Don't drink blood!spritz Bad! spritz"
Ken, spraying the artifact with a spray bottle of holy water.

"I also have D & D books."
Cody, Whose occult bookstore owner was explaining the 'evil' books in his shop.

"So... Regulation plus bullshit equals okay."
"Ah! I see you have dealt with bureaucracy."

"I have disable device... Bitches!"
Meagan. taunting the trap.

"If you had Super Vision, wouldn't that be in range?"
"Supervision? Then you'd have a chaperone?"

"Me and the coffee table, we see things."
Meagan, ruler of the Ottoman Empire?

"We have gone from Porn to Corn."
Marie. I'm not even going to try to make this one sound less bad.

"Excuse me. I'm going to the ladies room"
Bill (GM), playing the female assasin NPC who was just slighted.
"I know something's up. She just went to the bathroom alone."
Joy. So that's why women go to the bathroom in groups, to prevent one of them from killing men.

"I hunger for Souls"
Cody, voicing the demon possessed coffee table.
"Sorry, we are all out of souls. But, here is some nice peanut butter."
Meagan, in a happy voice, spreading peanut butter on the table.
"It's even the crunchy type so you can pretend they are real bones."
Makes you almost feel sorry for the Demon of Unspeakable Horrors, doesn't it.

"One of the mechanical arms has an electric toothbrush on it. You are not sure you want to know why."
Marie (GM), describing the hideous death robot.
"It's good for cleaning in small places ... No wait..."
Dave, gleefully.

"Well, if he sucks a flaming chicken towards himself...."
Mandi, explaining her action.

"I can't believe I am saying this, but make a ranged attack versus rotisserie."
Dave (GM).A few seconds later.

"Well, we've never gone straight before."
Meagan, playing the ambigously gay, metrosexual leading the dungeon crawl.

"Hi! I think I got my soul back."
Mandi, talking to her superhero's lawyer.

"How did I end up doing this?"
Ken, as his character pulls a wagon while the other PCs and the horse ride in it.
"Because you lost Rock, Paper, Scissors with Comet (the horse)."
Doug A., during a Brisco County Junior RPG.

"Dominatrix Dave, living large, chained to a wall."
"Canibal Hermaphrodite, can't get enough, in my pants."
Doug A., having fun with the random "Porn Movie Title Generator".

"There's three ways of doing something. The right way, the wrong way and the Nick Fury way." -Doug
"What's the Nick Fury way?" -Marie
"It's the wrong way, only faster and with more explosions." -Doug
During a group game of "Marvel Ultimate Alliance".

"Thanks, Nick!"
Said several times during the game as Nick Fury (played by Doug) proceeded to shoot and blow up everything that moved and most everything that didn't. At one point, we couldn't find Ghost Rider due to explosions.

"You hear a loud explosion behind the door."
(GM), describing the house as the character's explore.
"Is this the.... Kitchen?"
Meagan, Good guess.

Marie, making new D&D monsters like the Owl Bear.

"I noticed that you had after-market add-ons."
Dave(GM), The NPC to a group of female Shadowrunners.
"They're real, thank you." -Ken (playing a Female troll)
"I'm offended!" -Mandi

"I thought you were playing a perky character."
Marie, after Mandi's rant about Misogeny.
"He just offended my perkiness." - Mandi

"He eats, shoots and leaves. Just like a Panda."
Marie, about the NPC and the joke about commas in sentence structure.

"She has the highest AC because I'm not wearing pants."
Dave, really needs those +5 magic pants.

"We could kill them, that was our mission."
Marie, as the group plans their next move.
"Oh right! I was so caught up in the looting."
Mandi, Not playing a thief.

"Why do I always have to be the straight man?"
Marie, talking about always playing the serious character.
"Because you are a woman."


Any questions and comments can be sent to: webmaster2@{Remove}sub-standard.com